Yes You Can Too!
‘Why I Stopped Caring About What Other People Think About Me’
~ by Jane Dizon ~
I must admit, I am mighty proud of having the great pleasure to feature Jane Dizon’s awesome article on my humble blog today. Not often have I come across such a brilliant writer! I very much enjoyed reading and I am sure so will you!
Why I stopped caring what others think…
I’m guilty. I guess we all are. There’s no point in denying that somehow, no matter how little, we care. We care too much about what others think of us and the choices we make in life.
Going back to all those years of my life, I gather how befuddled I was with my own identity. Being preoccupied with the hurricane of fear from social disapproval trapped me into an abyss that prevented me from reaching my full potential. I don’t want to sound like human interaction would be the death of me. But for the most part of my existence, I have been a slave of other people.
Funny how I was eaten by my delusions. My gullible, childhood years seemed perfect because I was trying to be a people-pleaser. Deep down, I felt like a bland newspaper page. Fragile like glass, unstable like a house of cards.
I craved for social validation…
In small cliques, I disconnected myself from voicing out my opinions for fear that they might hear gibberish thoughts instead of sensible ideas. It felt weird eating at a restaurant and watching a movie alone. I struggled being in a crowd as my mind wanders with images of people whispering something about me. All kinds of superficial actions, inner resentment, and missed opportunities worried me to the bones.
Ultimately, everything boils down on me as someone who constantly seeks for someone else’s validation. Craving desperately for social acceptance, I forgot myself in the process. I worried too much finding approval until my thoughts no longer fit. When my cowardice kicked in, decisions were ruined. The ruins decked on me, thrown away with more debris.
It hit me to the core…
My authentic self is no longer cocooned inside. I was missing out a lot in those times that I chose to heed other people’s opinions. I got blinded by the conditioned notion that the general public’s approval gives us a higher sense of self-esteem.
It’s like watching a TV series of my entire life but missing a whole season of it. My self-worth shall not solely rely on their recognition. This is me. My life. My rules. Finally, I am standing up for something. I am no longer an invertebrate mammal. No more status quo. No more tiptoeing. I am my own dictator.
Finding the balance…
Caring and worrying about what one throws at us are two separate ideas, differentiated by the amount of attention we pour on things. I found the balance through these ways:
- “I learned the toddler strategy on my way to recovery”
Ignoring unsolicited criticisms of another is no rocket science. Be it a random stranger or a familiar person who sabotages you for selfish reasons, treat them as a tiny tot would.
I bet we don’t get too upset with what a toddler does or says. That’s exactly the point why this strategy is effective when dealing with the inborn critics out there. The two-year-olds do not have a good grasp of the worldly issues, thus getting mad at them won’t do us any good. I thought of it this way: buy them a candy, smile, and then walk away.
- “It’s actually none of our business nor theirs”
Even the highest-paid celebrity or the hottest model is not exempted in the public eye. So no matter who we are, some people are invested in looking down on everyone.
It’s not their business to meddle with our affairs. Unless, of course, if we let them. And it’s definitely not our business as well. They’re entitled to it. What they say shouldn’t change how we live our life, right? Confidence is key. Let them keep you as their priority but never let their opinion be on the top of our list.
- “No one really cares that much about what we do”
Stop the paranoia! Believe it or not, those people who we thought have spent their time stalking our every move do not have the luxury of time to do so. They’re also busy thinking the exact same thing.
When I catch someone looking at me, I steer clear of my old habit of imagining negative ideas. Whether she judges me from head to toe, well, she can. It’s the reality. Deal with it.
- “I needed a strong, level-headed support system”
Not all people should be out of our life. It’s not healthy and I don’t recommend it too. It’s just a matter of who we listen to and what things we choose to disregard.
Since it all began in my pursuit for acceptance and reassurance, I have to secure my own reliable support persons. Don’t get me wrong. I am my own person but it doesn’t hurt to have few well-trusted friends who lift you up. It’s an integral part of self-love – raising the bar higher for people to belong in your inner circle. These people’s words provide us with valuable feedback to help us keep our feet on the ground, at the same time, balancing our social relationships.
- “I know what’s best for me. No one else does”
Yes, my mom does too. But who else will ever be as invested in my life other than myself? If I didn’t possess the courage to stand up for something, I wouldn’t ever truly comprehend how to learn from my own decisions. Taking full responsibility for my actions led me to become a mature individual as I am now. If I fail, at least I brought with me a moral lesson instead of finding someone else to blame. My choice to free what other people thought of me moved me in a forward direction on my own terms.
My safe place…
I have gone to a place where I’m comfortable just being myself. I am not an unfinished piece of art left behind by people who continuously drill their views on me. My inner freedom is my sanctuary, my safe haven. With this, I leave you with a question. Have you found your safe place yet?
Thank you once more for creating such a brilliant write-up for us, Jane! I can find myself in a lot of what you are talking about, and I am very sure I am not the only one who does. It was a great pleasure working with you!
Did you enjoy reading as much as I did? Please, as always, feel free to leave a comment. Jane and I love comments! 🙂
It used to matter more to me, but I find with every passing year I care a little less about what other people think. I’ve come to realize that any fears I have about what others are thinking are probably the same fears that are running through their minds
The same here, Jennifer. This is the biggest (probably the only 🙁 ) advantage of getting older. Thinking back to when I was in my thirties or so, oh my god …what do people think about? Today – who cares! Feels amazingly good, doesn’t it?! Thanks for coming over, always lovely to see and hear from you <3
I still have to tell myself not to give a hoot about what people think of me. But it’s hard.
Keep going!! The peace of mind after all is priceless 😉
I think this comes with age and maturity. But it IS hard.
True, Carol. It IS hard, but it feels so good once you reach that ‘stage of wisdom’ and inner peace 😉
I have always been an introvert. So, I have never cared too much about what other people think of me. Growing up without social media helped too, I suppose. Nowadays, the social pressures and comparisons come from social media. It’s true. “No one really cares that much about what we do.” They are busy taking care of their own lives to be thinking about us all the time.
Very true words, Herlina. I agree, social media does a lot nowadays. It can be mega helpful in all aspects but also as harmful. Growing up without it makes sense, too many kids are spoiled by SMs already. It kills the real social life, doesn’t it?!
Some wonderful advice here. I especially liked the idea of taking life lessons from a toddler – having one myself I know how much they have their priorities sorted!!
Hahaha, Em, follow your toddler!! I loved that statement, too. Get them some candy and move on 😉 Lovely to see you here, thank you so much for visiting!
This was a great article and even at my age (!) I took a lot away from it. We seem to constantly need to remind ourselves of these things. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thank you, Debbie. I also love that article, I think Jane is a great writer and a smart lady!
I really wish I had read this when I was a teenager. I used to care *so* much what people thought of me and constantly craved for their approval.
The point I really loved the most in this post was “It’s actually none of our business nor theirs” – My grandmother once said the exact same thing to me and it resonates with me ever since
Aww, thanks for your lovely comment, Kylie. I am glad, you liked the article. Jane is such a brilliant writer, isn’t she? I am really proud that I had the chance to feature her on my blog.
I admit that I care a lot about what people think of me, but I try to put that thoughts at the back of my mind and be myself. I don’t know if I fully succeed, but at least I am trying 🙂
I really enjoyed your article
Thank you so much for coming over and taking the time to leave a comment, Mara! I am not sure if we ever fully succeed in not caring at all. I guess that little last bit of doubts or that one particular person’s opinion might still bother us. But I am sure you are on the perfectly right track 😉 Relax, as you get older you will care less and less!
You are so right. Thanks for sharing, everyone needs to read this
http://myeternalsymphony.com
I have to thank you, Joy! Have a wonderful weekend!